Comments on: Contact

By: Cadimom

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 19:43:52 +0000

My 14 yr old son accidentally shot and killed his best friend thinking the gun wasn’t loaded. It has been two years and he has either been on house arrest or in a non-secure juvenile facility (he totally lost control after the death and acted out I believe because the community already vilified him due to lies that he figured he might as well act like a villan). It would be amazing that when he is released (soon I pray) that he could speak with someone who had the same experience. ]]>

By: A.Doyon

Tue, 01 May 2018 00:21:35 +0000

I am so sorry. I have had similar feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. I understand how you feel. I’ve had a similar accident. But I shot a friend of mine on accident not knowing that the gun was loaded. I was wrought with sadness beyond belief for years. It lead to drug addiction and almost suicide. It was when I was 17. I am 45 now with a loving family and two kids. But I will never forget. People around always remember the deceased in their posts on Facebook for birthdays and the like. Yet I have never received a call from a concerned person to see how I am. I was abounded and left to take care of myself. I feel with God help I now enjoy a peace that was obtained only by seeking him and helping others. I wish you live and no you are not alone. ]]>

By: Tonya

Thu, 05 Apr 2018 21:04:15 +0000

I read your message and you said it so wise Blessed are those whom are left to bare the sorrow of it all…My husband was a truck driver and was in an accident and a little girl died.We are both depressed and will never be able to have a normal life.It has pulled us in different directions. Thanks for your message.Tonya ]]>

By: Divya

Tue, 09 Jan 2018 09:21:11 +0000

Hi Michael and Christine,
I feel immense grief and depression from having caused the death of a total stranger. I can’t even begin to imagine what the two of you must be going through.
2015 to 2017 have seen a series of mishaps in my life. My parents don’t like talking about the accident. I’ve been in several minor accidents following the one that caused the death of another person. I’ve begun feeling I’m jinxed. I don’t have anyone I could talk to. I pushed people away. My relationship, where I had a supportive and understanding partner, ended. I lost my job. I hit rock bottom. I started drinking a lot. Started smoking. But I slowly pulled myself back together. I’m getting back to normal now.
While what I went through is nothing compared to your experiences, I’d like to say take one day at a time. Patch up relationships. Talk to close friends and family honestly and tell them what you feel. Discuss the topic once and for all. Try distracting yourself. I found travel helped me. Mid last year I had given up on everything, I didn’t want to kill myself so I’d starve in the hopes that I’d just die. But around that time, I started travelling and it really helped.
Stay strong and take one day at a time.
hugs from India,
Divya ]]>

By: Divya

Tue, 09 Jan 2018 08:41:44 +0000

I live in India and a friend forwarded an article about Maryann on BBC to me today on Whatsapp. I was at first puzzled by the title and wondered why my friend forwarded it to me, why he thought I should see it. Because I had never told him about my experience.
It will be 3 years this May since I accidentally caused the death of a 28yr old boy, in the prime of his life, preparing to get married.
I live in a city that is overcrowded, has terrible roads, people disobeying traffic rules all the time, corrupt cops. I was driving home from work on a Friday evening and I decided to take the flyover. The flyover is a 6-lane highway where people always drive way beyond the speed limit and have drag races. The flyover covers a stretch of 5 kms and has no cameras or any way to regulate the traffic and speed of vehicles. The 3rd lane on both sides of the flyover acts as a shoulder one can stop on for emergencies, flat tires and such. However, people often stop on this 3rd lane to take pictures and selfies. This flyover has also seen many crazy accidents and deaths.

So on that evening, while driving home, I was driving on the 3rd lane (that has a maximum speed of 40kms/hr), going slow as I wasn’t feeling too good. And I decided to stop for 5 minutes. I switched on my hazard lamps and stopped. Several seconds passed with cars and bikes passing me in high speed. And then I heard this huge bang and felt a jerk and I couldn’t for a second understand what had happened. I was waiting for someone to walk up to my side of the window and start yelling at me. Still in a daze, I got out to see what had happened. A bike was stuck to the back of my car, its wheels spinning furiously, and just then it dislodged, spun around furiously and hit the side wall and came to a stop. I ran around the car to look for the biker. I saw his backpack lying a few feet in front of my car. But the biker was no where to be seen. By then a couple of people had stopped and were looking over the side of the wall on to the road about 50 feet below. It dawned on me then and with absolute trepidation I walked over and looked down. The biker had flown off his bike and fallen to the road below and was writhing in pain. It was terrible. I immediately called up my dad. The next day I found out the biker succumbed to his injuries. The days that followed were a daze of visits to the police station, hospital, cops interrogating me, curious friends coming over to hear the story. I barely got out of bed. The cops here don’t abide by the law. They are corrupt and only try to make money in cases such as this. They threatened us and the affected family. We got a lawyer involved who asked us to pay a certain amount for filing the case. He took the money and went to see the cops alone. I got the case sheet. For a year I would open the door for the post with my heart beating out of my chest expecting it to be a court summons. But we never heard back at all. And we realized that the cops had taken the money and hadn’t filed a case. A case wasn’t filed since the biker hit my car from behind. Traffic cameras at the previous signal show him to be speeding and zig zagging between cars. People told me of eye witnesses saying that the biker was speeding and driving at over 90kms/hr on the 40kms/hr lane and that he might have had alcohol in his system since it was a Friday night. I don’t know the details. But what haunts me to this day was that I was advised not to tell anyone that I had stopped, that I was driving slow when he hit. And that’s what’s in the report. Things were such a mess, on hindsight I now understand how we were duped by the cops and the lawyer.

We had never had any experience dealing with the cops before and didn’t know how the system worked. I am often haunted by those memories, things I should have done and should not have done. Thinking that if I hadn’t taken the flyover he would still be alive. If only I hadn’t stopped. I have toyed with the idea of reaching out to the family, offer my condolences. But things aren’t that civilized here. The lawyer asked me not to contact the family since they could sue me for wrongful death.
His death haunts me. I stalk his facebook profile and see comments posted by his friends and family and feel immense guilt. He seemed like such a sweet person and liked by everyone. I didn’t drive for a month after the accident. When I started driving I couldn’t help constantly glancing at my rearview mirror. Since that accident, it felt like I was jinxed. I experienced a couple of other instances where a truck driver drove into my car from behind at the traffic signal, distracted since he was busy drinking water (that was his excuse). Another incident where a car drove into mine from behind because the driver was busy texting.

It’s taken two years for the numb to wear off and the fear of driving to take complete hold. I avoid driving as much as possible now and am contemplating selling my car. I feel guilty surviving the accident. I know I could have been easily hurt as well, since the impact could have pushed my car to the speeding lane and I could have been severely injured too, if not dead. Giving up driving for good seems like the least of a tribute I could offer for Balaji (that was his name). I feel like I’m a menace on the road. With such volatile situations on the road, I never know what could happen. I’m terrified that I might cause another accident.

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By: Sara Cox

Tue, 09 Jan 2018 05:38:56 +0000

I have just listened to your broadcast on BBC Radio 4 world service. I am in Jakarta staying with my son and want to respond because it’s 20 years at the end of January since my husband killed a two year old boy in a car park. He had just collected my youngest son from Cub Scouts as He was pulling away in his car a little boy tripped and went under the wheels. A Friend alerted me and when I arrived at the scout hut he was trying to climb into the rubbish bin. He refused to have counselling, would never discuss it and died of oesophageal cancer in 2004. I have always believed that he died inside after the accident, he never forgave himself and his guilt/grief consumed him.
It’s taken 20 years to have a focus on the tragedy thanks to your story. Thank you. I hope others living through the nightmare of accidentally killing someone can take comfort in knowing they are not alone. ]]>

By: mgray

Sat, 18 Nov 2017 05:19:55 +0000

Thank you so much for doing this. Lots of requests for support groups come to me. ]]>

By: Patricia

Sat, 11 Nov 2017 23:38:58 +0000

We have a support group comprised of some of the folks from the New Yorker article on Facebook if you search “accidental casualty survivors”. :::big hugs::: and lots of love to all of you!!! (I hope Maryann will allow this post.)
-“Patricia” ]]>

By: Christine

Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:43:26 +0000

I know how you feel Michael. I have been so miserable these past 13 years. I have tried killing myself several times. Just two days ago a good friend of mine killed himself. He had alot of people that cared about him. People do care about you. It’s not about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s learning how too dance in the rain. Your brother wouldn’t want you to live your life this way. It was an accident, you didn’t do it on purpose. ]]>

By: Jeff Timan

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 04:33:12 +0000

Dear Michael, of course there is nothing you can do to change the past, but there is a lot you can do to change the future. Hating yourself won’t do anyone any good. Consider dedicating yourself to helping others. There are so many people who are in pain, are hungry, are frightened and desperate. If you try, you can help someone and along the way, through helping others, maybe you can find peace. Things change and you can too. Start by being gentle and aware of your anger. Try to catch yourself before the anger takes over. You can do it Michael, it’s not too late. ]]>